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S(he) Looked Better Online Swine-Apple

Exotic smoked treats and online dating.

You are about to scroll into something I’ve never posted before. Sure you know I’m a single mom, but what I don’t talk about in that piece is dating. When do you have time to date, Stacy? You may ask. How is it you meet people during a pandemic? You say. Well, you guessed it, I’ve turned to online dating, and let me tell you it has been an interesting ride. But first, the story that inspired this awkward chat…

My brother has become a smoke enthusiast. He got a Big Green Egg a couple of years ago, and he’s been cooking fanatically for the family ever since. He’s made awesome briskets, a whole turkey, wings, pulled pork, but this past summer he decided to get a little wild and try making a recipe he came across online for a Swine-Apple (linked here). I mean, why not? Look at that beauty up there!

Come along to see how the cooking adventure unfolded throughout the day…

It started with a bacon blanket. The beginnings of any true love story.

Then you core and hollow the pineapple. She sure knows how to dress right.

Rub that pork down with that delicious Fox Bros, Bar-B-Q RUB, and stuff it into the cored out pineapple.

Get her ready for her date with the smoker by dressing her in the bacon blanket and placing that crown on top of her head.

Check out this text chain that was happening simultaneously…

Ya’ll, we were sold and so excited!

She went onto the smoker and cooked until she reached the proper internal temperature. And see that not so beautiful piece of meat lying next to her? Just a simple spatchcocked chicken. We’ll get back to her later.

She’s ready!

Off the smoker, and ready to taste! And taste we did.

It. Was. Not. Good.

Seriously, the pork had a very strange texture and the flavor couldn’t even save it. The look on my brother’s face was priceless defeat. He had spent his day falling in love with her, his family also infatuated by her, and by the end of the day she was a flat out disappointment to everyone. See where I’m going here?

Ya, that is online dating in a nut shell. While I have been lucky to not have a full on catfish experience, everyone uses those angles, filters, and sharing just the right amount of good stuff to reel you in. You don’t find out about the fact that their walk is strange or that they’re greyer or balder than they appeared, until you’re right there in front of them. Worst of all, that they’re involved with other people- so easy when there’s a database of “single” people at their fingertips. It’s all a bit exhausting and superficial, but I do my best to look past the surface and see if there’s a connection. Although, when you feel as though you’ve been misled it’s a bit difficult to get there.

This same thing can be said when you’re looking for a house, right? You see the gorgeous pictures on the listing and fall in love with the house, only to get to it and find it has a terrible odor, or the floor has sunken in, or you’re next door neighbor has a trashed yard. In a virtual world, we have to be careful not to believe things as they are online and vet them in person too, or better yet, hire a Realtor who will do the vetting for you. Me, I’m that Realtor. Give me a call! And, big moral of the story, keep those love feelings at bay until you know it’s the real deal- especially in today’s extremely low inventory market. Because by the time you swipe right, she’s probably already gone. Don’t worry, call me, I’ll help you find the one.

To wrap up this delightfully awkward conversation we’re having, I just want to say, while I have not found the one, I have enjoyed meeting a lot of cool people, and learned from it along the way. I also want to say, that the bacon blanket alone was phenomenal. And that spatchcocked chicken I said I’d get back to? She was divine. She didn’t have a pretty dress or anything fancy, but my oh my did she impress! After talking to a few friends who also enjoy smoking, I think ultimately the acidity in the pineapple caused the pork to break down too much, giving it the funky texture. So while the presentation was awesome, maybe it should be smoked separately and then put back together at the end? I’ll see if my brother will give it another go, or if his heart is just too damaged.

Want me to share more stories about my online dating adventures? Let me know in the comments! As always you can find me on Instagram and Facebook to see more of my cooking and up to date info about the real estate market, by clicking on the links above or below. Thanks for hanging out, talk soon!

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